Poor Christina Applegate must have really been quite the monster in a past life.
First, she loses a long-time boyfriend to an apparent heroin overdose in June.
Next, just when it seem that she may have found true happiness with another man, upon closer examination it becomes obvious that inexplicably, she’s hooked up with more of the same.
That is, if missing front teeth are any indicator.
Although missing front tooth translates into meth-freak more than heroin addict in my estimation.
Still, this new relationship is hardly what one might call trading up or even learning from experience.
As if all of this weren’t bad enough, Sunday night People reported that she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Apparently she has a family history, so she has been getting mammograms, even though she’s barely 36. Thanks to early detection, she’s expected to be well enough to keep working on her sitcom this fall.
Umm, excuse moi, God in Heaven or Mother Nature or who/whatever you are, but I’m a bit confused by your methods here.
I mean, is it just me, or is she waaay too young for this?
She’s like, only a few years older than moi!! My friend Tracy (from when I lived in LA) had a roommate, EJ who dated her! They had matching 90’s Bon Jovi hair!
Come to think of it, EJ was in a band and was also a bit of a substance enthusiast, as band-members tend to be… OH CHRISTINA… WILL YOU LEARN ALREADY?!!!
Okay, I’m just going to connect the dots here and admit that this hits a little too close to home.
It scares me.
Worse still, it makes me feel old.
Because you know who else has a family history?
Uh huh. Only I have been foolishly deluding myself into thinking I could put off the mammogram, because I’m like, waaay too young.
But if it can happen to someone who is just a few years older than I am, it can happen to me.
[Note to self: schedule Mammogram ASAP. No excuses.]
And so, because you, Christina Applegate, have enriched my life by putting this kernel of wisdom out in the universe for my consumption, I’d like to return the favor.
It has to do with your choices in men. You may want to tattoo this on your wrist:
If he’s in a band, missing teeth, and/or really sensitive/good in bed/attentive… he’s going to break your heart.
Remember dating EJ? I know he was kind of dangerous and hot, in that mother-doesn’t-approve way that my boyfriend never will be (especially if your mom is Jewish– there’s no Jewish mother that fails to get off on scrubs and a lab coat!)
See, bad relationships are like cancer– if you know what to watch out for in the early stages, you can save yourself from going through years of unnecessary hell.
1 response so far ↓
apisit // September 1, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Bon Jovi is a hard rock band from Sayreville, New Jersey. Fronted by lead singer and namesake Jon Bon Jovi, the group originally achieved large-scale success in the 1980s. Over the past 25 years, Bon Jovi has sold over 120 million albums worldwide, [1] including 34 million in the United States alone. [2]
Bon Jovi formed in 1983 with lead singer Jon Bon Jovi, guitarist Richie Sambora, keyboardist David Bryan, bassist Alec John Such, and drummer Tico Torres. Other than the departure of Alec John Such in 1994 (which pared the lineup down to a quartet), the lineup has remained the same for the past 25 years. After two moderately successful albums in 1984 and 1985, the band scored big with Slippery When Wet (1986) and New Jersey (1988), which sold a combined 19 million copies in the U.S. alone, charted eight Top Ten hits (including four number one hits), and launched the band into global super stardom. After non-stop touring, the band went on hiatus after the New Jersey Tour in 1990, during which time Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora both released successful solo albums. In 1992, the band returned with the double platinum Keep the Faith and has since created a string of platinum albums throughout the 1990s and 2000s.
In 2006, the band won a Grammy for best Country Collaboration for “Who Says You Can’t Go Home” with Jennifer Nettles from Sugarland and also became the first rock band to reach #1 on the Hot Country Songs chart with the same song. The band has also received multiple Grammy nominations for music from the albums Crush, Bounce, and Lost Highway.
Throughout their career, the band has released ten studio albums, of which nine have gone platinum. In addition, the band has charted 19 singles to the Top 40 of the Billboard Hot 100, four of which reached #1 (“You Give Love a Bad Name”, “Livin’ on a Prayer”, “Bad Medicine”, and “I’ll Be There for You”). The band also holds the record for the most weeks for a hard rock album at #1 on the Billboard 200 with Slippery When Wet, as well as the most Top 10 singles from a hard rock album, with New Jersey, which charted five such singles.